Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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