are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
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