So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
