Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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