So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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