I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
