are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
