I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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