FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
