Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
