...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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