i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
