i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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