I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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