Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
