5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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