my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
