Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
