I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
