We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
His hands were made for my vagina.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize