what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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