Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
