I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
