it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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