I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
