sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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