Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
