best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
