the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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