They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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