No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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