I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
