Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize