this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
