As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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