she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
