My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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