I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
