is your mom at the bar?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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