this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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