brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
