There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
