I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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