I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
