I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
