I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
