I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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