Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
