Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
