Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
