yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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