So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
