This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
