I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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