Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
