Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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