I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
