it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
