How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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