All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
