You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
