is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
