i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
