You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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