my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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