I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You took a bar mat shot.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
