i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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